Bill Belew has raised 2 bi-cultural kids, now 34 and 30. And he and his wife are now parenting a 3rd, Mia, who is 8.
Daughters are gifts of god. It’s always good to have one girl child in the family . They keep the whole family engaged from childhood to adult. They are always around the family even in times they get married and go away to different homes. It’s still their home anyway . And in all this period they grow and live with the family the dad has a very important role to play in terms of being a father and a male friend of the daughter. Below are few of the things a dad need to teach her daughter for her to grow and survive in the men dominated world.
- Gaining Respect: One of the most important attributes a girl needs to have is respect for her father. It may even be more important that she respects him than that she loves him. That’s not just because men require respect more than they do love but because it is healthy for her in all areas of life. Without that respect, she will founder in the rugged seas of adolescence. Your daughter will only follow your rules and abide by your boundaries if she respects you. When she is young she may follow them because she fears you and you are a natural authority figure, but as she gets older she learns that there is really nothing forcing her to follow your rules and guidelines
- Self-Beauty: A father plays a big role in how a girl feels about herself. His encouragement and approval help her develop confidence and a feeling of adequacy. While males usually compete and judge each other by performance, females often judge each other based upon physical beauty and the qualities of their relationships. A father who recognizes and comments upon his daughter’s internal qualities, and not just her physical appearance, gives her a healthy self-image
- Unconditional Love: Maybe more than anything else, a daughter needs her father’s unconditional love. Love covers a multitude of sins and mistakes. I asked a good friend of mine how her father influenced her regarding dating and boys. She told me she never really had a very strong desire to date all that much. She said, “I was celebrated as a child and showered with unconditional love of my father. Consequently, I wasn’t hungry for male love because I had it growing up.
- You are beautiful and you are loved: This is something you should tell your daughter at least once a day and probably more than that. Telling her once every so often doesn’t cut it. I’m no psychologist, but daughters who know their father loves them grow up with more confidence and tend to avoid looking for love in all the wrong places. Hearing she is beautiful is oxygen for your daughter’s soul. So do it often, in different and creative ways.
- Your mother is beautiful and she is loved: The best gift you can give your daughter is to show her how a man treats a woman. Let her see modeled on you, however imperfectly, the God-given love between a man and a woman. Tell your wife daily that she is beautiful, that you love her, and that you are glad you married her. Tell her you are committed to her for life. And say these things, periodically, in front of your children.
Teach your daughter some of the necessary things which only a dad can make her learn to survive and have a happy time as she grows from child to adulthood.
Thank you for reading.
Talk to Bill and others about their experiences raising bi-cultural Japanese-American kids.