Bill Belew has raised 2 bi-cultural kids, now 34 and 30. And he and his wife are now parenting a 3rd, Mia, who is 8.
I’ve written a lot on one of my other blogs on the many qualities I think of when I think about what makes a man a REAL man. Qualities like generosity, courage, simplicity, contentment, strength, and many others. And in many ways, those same general qualities also apply to being a dad.
Even so, as I’ve become more comfortable in writing about my dad’s role as a new father, I’ve begun to ponder what it really takes to be a good father. Thankfully, I had a pretty good example in my own old man and so that’s been helpful, but (much like everything in life) I want to come up with my own set of standards for the kind of dad I want to be. With that in mind, I’ve started a list (for some reason, I’m really into lists these days) of what I think it means to be a REAL dad. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:
1. A real dad gets on the floor and plays with his children.
2. A real dad looks for ways to add joy to his children’s lives.
3. A real dad is intentional about setting loving, but firm boundaries for his children.
4. A real dad doesn’t blow up at his kids.
5. A real dad is there…just there!!…by your side!
6. A real dad is willing to drop whatever he’s doing from time to time just to be in the presence of his child.
7. A real dad protects, stands up, and fights for his kids.
8. A real dad gives his children increasingly more freedom to explore and test themselves the older they get.
9. A real dad imparts wisdom to his children.
10. A real dad is interested in the lives of his children.
11. A real dad seeks to know his children by asking lots of open ended questions without making them feel like they are being interrogated.
12. A real dad makes a habit out smiling at his children.
13. A real dad hugs and kisses his children often.
14. A real dad shows up for his kids activities.
15. A real dad does not walk out on his family.
16. A real dad does not berate, abuse, or otherwise negatively treat his children’s mother.
17. A real dad models healthy relationships with other men.
18. A real dad is not afraid to let his kids see him cry.
19. A real dad sings to his children.
20. A real dad reads to his children.
21. A real dad apologizes to his children when he makes a mistake.
22. A real dad spends quantity AND quality time with his kids.
23. A real dad forgives his children when they screw-up.
24. A real dad is not afraid to appropriately discipline his children when they make bad choices.
25. A real dad is an equal partner in parenting his children.
26. A real dad frequently puts his kids well-being ahead of his own.
27. Even so, a real dad still makes his own mental and physical health a priority.
28. A real dad models the virtues he wants his children to learn.
29. A real dad says good night to his children EVERY night.
30. A real dad learns from his mistakes. He may fall down from time to time but he always gets up a better, stronger, more-loving father.
Like I said before, the list above represents the kind of dad one would want to be. I think each man will have his own list that will not be identical to mine, though I wouldn’t be surprised if my list was similar to the lists of many other dads out there. It’s also not a complete or exhaustive list, nor was it meant to be. In fact, if I were to go back to and reflect on this list every day, I could probably add a new item to it each day depending on the events of the previous 24 hours.
So there you go. That’s my list.
If you were to come up with your own list of what it means for you to be a REAL dad, what would you include?
Talk to Bill and others about their experiences raising bi-cultural Japanese-American kids.