Bill Belew has raised 2 bi-cultural kids, now 34 and 30. And he and his wife are now parenting a 3rd, Mia, who is 8.
I am not getting used to talk about my dad, actually.
I am not getting used to talk about my family in public.
Part of the reasons, are I don’t have the happy family as others, well maybe the most of others. The story I don’t want to go into.
I have the memory of my dad until my 16 years old, after then he left the family. It’s truly not a lovely story but it’s my story, which I couldn’t make up and make into a happy ending like a fairy tale.
My dad, he is hard-working man, mostly he took the business trips outside the family and in my childhood, I could see him twice per month on average. When he was back from business trips, he always remember brought the gifts to mom and me, at first I truly felt happy for his trip, because I could always get the toys he brought to me from his trip, the toys when it was hard to get in my small hometown, the toys I could brag around my friend circle (Well, I was a little girl then). That was my feeling when I am a little little girl.
When I grew up a bit, something was changed on my mind. The happy expectation for his business trips was gone, I became hard to understand him, why every friend of mine could have his/her dad pick up, why for their birthday parties, their dads were present…I felt it was unfair to me.
I didn’t understand him for quite a long time. Even after he left the family.
It’s a sad story.
Personally, for a quite long time, I didn’t want to talk about this with anyone, including my mom.
Until recently. I am aware I am trying to understand him.
Understand his pressure, and more importantly, we can’t expect anyone to be as what you expect from him. I didn’t understand him for quite a long time, because he was not what I expected from him, or from a dad. Back then, I didn’t even consider what he carried on, his burden and his life… I just expect, expect and expect from him.
This is the most important lesson I learn from the relationship with him, which would be so meaningful hint for me to handle the relationship with others, especially with those I care most, with my mom, with my boyfriend, with my best friend.
Well, I still expect I could talk with dad about the little website I create: 赶猪网 and the food we both love.
Talk to Bill and others about their experiences raising bi-cultural Japanese-American kids.