Bill Belew has raised 2 bi-cultural kids, now 34 and 30. And he and his wife are now parenting a 3rd, Mia, who is 8.
Abashment.. addling.. befuddlement… bemusement.. blurring… Commotion… confounding.. discomfiting… dumbfounding.. embroiling, flap, lather, mixup mystification, obscuring, perplexing,…perturbation.. pother… puzzlement.. stew… stirring up.. tangling… or in simple words – CONFUSION…!!! is all that comes to my mind when I think about the topic I am going to write about.
Yes… trust me, I had to look up synonyms from the dictionary for the word confusion in order to better describe my thoughts and put it across in any possible way for anyone to understand my situation.
I am from India and and we believe in arranged marriages culturally so the question of inter-cultural or inter-national marriages is totally taboo to me. At least it was… until I moved to the United States of America.
Since America is so multi-cultural and welcomes people of all and any nationality and race, it has become a meeting ground for people of different ethnicities who fall in love and raise families together.
I was in love once with a girl from the States once. It did not work out for its own reasons. Neither of us were to be blamed.
Maybe we weren’t strong enough or MAYBE THE CULTURAL DIFFERENCE CAUSED IT. I don’t know.
I want to believe so though. She was half Korean and half white. Her mom was Korean and her dad was white. Imagine if we had kids, they would’ve been quarter Korean, quarter white and half Indian and CONFUSED…!!
We were living together. We had a ton of differences big and small to cope with and compromise on. All those little things that were completely fine in her culture and the way she was brought up but what were a complete NO NO in my culture.
The food, the common language barrier, the dressing sense, the habits, friends, activities … everything was different.. in a good and bad way.,.!!
I see a lot of successful couples and I salute them because I can tell you, it is not easy. But if they did it is because they put in the effort, which i should’ve too.
But I didn’t.
Personally I think the equation gets more complicated when they have kids who start wondering and questioning their roots and belonging, something which might lead them to a very unclear and dangerous path as they grow up.
I think both parents should instill both cultures and expose the children to the blend of both the histories and let them decide which side they wanna take instead of rubbing upon them what they want them to believe. After all, love knows no boundaries.
Then why create them?
Love is in the air people. Don’t hold yourself back. If it is meant to happen, it will happen no matter what. The whole universe will conspire to get you what you deserve.
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Talk to Bill and others about their experiences raising bi-cultural Japanese-American kids.