Bill Belew has raised 2 bi-cultural kids, now 34 and 30. And he and his wife are now parenting a 3rd, Mia, who is 8.
In today’s world it’s so common to be a single dad, the reason may be whatsoever. So if also you fall under the situation its become a great and extreme responsibility for you to be proved as a good dad. So all single dads out there here are a few tips which can help you cope up with the difficult situation and bring back life to normal with your kids even without the presence of the mother. The day you accept the responsibility as a single dad you tend to be , playing the role of a mother in the family along with the dad character.
As adults, we have at least learned some coping mechanisms in our life to deal with change which come from time frame to the times. And even being a single dad is one of the most different things to happen in one’s life. So also for the children even they are even not ready for this sudden change in the family pattern and some time face difficulty accepting you as the family’s backbone and caregiver, generally the role being played by your wife all the time. So it’s time to for you to help your children adjust and here are some few suggestions to carry on with a new start from scratch.
Talking with them a lot- it’s very different for your children to be familiar and turn friendlier toward you at a sudden and start talking with you after all this change in life . So they start suppressing their feelings and stay quiet and away from you. So this is the time you start talking with them , not as an occasional father but as you are supportive and can turn to be towards your kids. They may respond towards you but if they are not willing don’t put down your efforts and try going ahead, if they are not liking talking with you try them share their feelings with other adults or relatives of the family. It is very important to deal with their feelings and frustrations . They may not feel at any point of time as they are in any kind responsible for the loss of their mother.
Show confidence in doing things- Children need to see that their dad is confident in doing all kinds of things even in the absence of their mother and optimistic about the future. Let them know that you are ok with life and that with time you and your family will reach a new level of comfort and routine. Your attitude will make a huge difference in how they feel and cope now and later. Looking at you coping up with life will make them understand your individual value and you can set an example for them as generous living and the caring type of dad.
Making and keeping promises- Generally moms are the ones who start nurturing the children from birth to young but when they are not present your child starts disbelieving things . The trust created by the family impact is broken and scattered and they start loosing trust and hope. This is the time you have to play the most important role in place of the mother, rebuilding their faith hope and trust in family gain. The best way possible to build trust with the children is to make and keep promises . Do what you say you will do and prove them as their dad by doing thing write , and never ever take a chance breaking their promise or giving false promises and not doing them. This will help them rebuild rust within themselves and also bring them together along with the family.
As a conclusion all single dads have to be very careful from the day they decide to move ahead with the family in the absence of the mother , as the life ahead will not be so easy to compete and let you stay free at all points of time.
Thank you for reading.
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Talk to Bill and others about their experiences raising bi-cultural Japanese-American kids.