Bill Belew has raised 2 bi-cultural kids, now 34 and 30. And he and his wife are now parenting a 3rd, Mia, who is 8.
Being a foster parent and taking care of foster kids is not so easy. It can be even more risky when the foster children do not co-operate and fight with each other. Every foster child is different and they come from different family , origin and background. Some of them even may have been abused later in life by their other offsprings while in their own homes. So they develop a negative character for every other child and never expect good from other children. In these scenarios there are always chances of a fight between the two foster children. Cases are even when there is an age difference between the children.
In these cases what are the best options one foster parents should take care to prevent further problems from the foster kids. Lets discuss out about it ?
1. Allowing each child his /her space in the house – the foster children may fight over the working space in the family so its better to give them their individual space or rooms to finish of homework and this prevents the tension out of quarrelling with each other. These tricks still may not some times workout for you so its better if the children are of different grades attending school so both do not get a chance to start a fight for the same things.
2. Create your own set of family rules- as a foster parent it is your responsibility to create certain workout techniques to deal with the kids as you do with your own children. So create family rules and discuss with the children regarding their contribution towards it so they may feel responsible and a sense of belonging and importance.
3. Permit the kids not liking each other- It’s not necessary that the foster kids start liking each other as brother and sister’s in a family , the reason being they come from different backgrounds. So instead prefer teaching them respect and patience to deal with each other, thereby making them acceptable to other members of the family. This will also help them learn how to deal with people other than the kids in the house but also with kids in their circle and community.
4. Try involving the kids in individual activities – this is somewhat similar to allowing them their own space but by doing so it gives them a sense of responsibility and teaches them to be good individuals and also keeps them away for some duration so as to not end up in new fights with the other child in the house. Doing this may even keep the children busy in their individual work and also forget about other distractions around them.
5. Giving separate time schedule for each foster child- being a foster parent this is your responsibility to adjust time for each kid in the house . As the foster kids are under your supervision it is you who have to decide the time between both individuals separately . This will help develop bonding between you and the foster child as an individual and also develop an attraction for the foster child towards you as a caring parent . Even the kids develop a sense of self esteem and learn to be good individual’s.
This may not be the end of the list discussed out to stop making foster kids fight between each other and your effort to curb them from fighting . There are few more points to be discussed but will be accompanied in a different post for now. Till then stay tuned for more foster parenting guide and happy parenting to all foster parents out there .
Thank you for reading.
Talk to Bill and others about their experiences raising bi-cultural Japanese-American kids.