Bill Belew has raised 2 bi-cultural kids, now 34 and 30. And he and his wife are now parenting a 3rd, Mia, who is 8.
Let us discuss the ramifications of having an irresponsible dad who is extremely careless and playful without any sense of what’s in store for the future and what does it take to raise a healthy family in a financially secure environment and the impact of such careless behavior on their children and their spouse. Such families headed by these men, have to under go a constant paranoia of insecurity, fear, trauma and dissatisfaction as these irresponsible dads take every opportunity to squander away hard yearned money, get into substance abuse which might be alcohol or drugs. These fathers are very strict at maintaining an iron over their family members and absolute control is established in the family through various means of threats, coercion or intimidation. Their kids feel a a sense of enslavement, as they are brought in line at a very early age to toe the line of their fathers and they are not allowed to challenge their authority through any kinds of debate or discussion. These kids are constrained in every possible way because of these irresponsible dads who do not provide any kind of financial security, freedom or help in order for them to have a healthy lifestyle.
These dads establish a code of engagement with the members of the family in order to maintain discipline, decorum, and boundaries so that everyone understand who is really in charge. They send signals through tough talking so that it creates panic among their family members and also on some occasions they intimidate the members of the family circle. These dads have a tough time not being able to trust their family members because these members of the family have lost a sense of belief in their ability to lead the family and be the provider providing comfort to the family as a whole and also have a healthy relationships with their network of extended family and friends. These dads therefore have self doubt and are seen to be constantly asking questions in order to create an environment of fear stifling people’s desires in an undemocratic fashion. Their style of conducting family affairs is mostly aggressive and they demand respect and blind subjugation from the members of the family members. They do not encourage dialogue in the family in order for members to express themselves openly and put their opinions and views across the table for a healthy discussion.
These irresponsible dads also in some cases resort to abuse in order to ensure that their family which comprises of their kids and the spouse falls into boundaries that they draw and set the rules of engagement in case the family members express opinions that are divergent to those opinions as laid out by these fathers. So therefor we see a pattern of engagement that is deviant from those families that are exposed to normal methods of planning and execution as far as family matters are concerned and these dads therefore mistreat their family members and abuse them on occasions in order to make their presence felt and resort to the iron fist approach rather than a compassionate method of dealing with their loved ones which might be what is usual in cases of other families.
For these abuse of power and privilege to assert your authority comes almost instantly with the marriage but what they fail to realize is that their family members are also like any other human being would like to treated as equals and sooner or later are going to resist their hold and escape out of the situation that they are forced in or boxed in for that matter.
Talk to Bill and others about their experiences raising bi-cultural Japanese-American kids.